Life

I haven't been writing on this website in ages and I really miss it because it helped me get things off my chest. So lets start shall we? (:

Where to begin ! So much stuff has happened since school started I don't even know where to begin. So school began, nothing much of a difference really. Same old school, same old ugly/disgusting people. And nothing seemed to impress me at all, it was awfully disappointing but I couldn't expect anything more.

Another thing happened, which I think I discussed about in other posts, is how amazingly I can cut people out of my life so quickly. Its amazing and somewhat sad on my part. It makes me think a lot. The thing is, I really don't get attached to anyone. I never let everyone out on anyone, never really have a best friend that I can tell anything to, and I never really have a steady group of friends that I hang out with that I could consider them to be "good friends". I don't know if its because I haven't found anyone that I like yet ? or maybe I'm just stuck in my own little world of Robbie-ness? I have no idea what it is. Or am I so cold hearted and vain that I refuse to socialize with anyone that I don't feel adequate enough to converse with me? Maybe I'll never know what the problem is unless I find that person that I can share things with. Maybe that's why I also feel so alone most of the time. Oh well. Hopefully I won't have to wait long for that to happen because I'm getting frustrated with all these low lives I have to socialize with just to get threw High School and not be considered a "loner". Anyways, the reason I'm saying all this is because my former best friend, Lindsay, was cut out of my life so quickly you wouldn't even know we knew each other at all in our entire life's. It truly amazes me what men do to woman. And yes, that's why we're not friends anymore. Cloud their judgment. Make them stupid. Fool them. And all for what? For "love"? Or are woman just longing to be with someone so badly that they just have to have them in their lives or else they'll go insane? I'm sorry, and no offense to any woman reading this but, that's pathetic. Woman are the most stupidest human-beings to walk this Earth when it comes to judgment about the opposite sex. Some of the smartest girls I know go completely bonkers when they fall for a man! It disgusts me. And to let a guy get in the way of friendship is also a bitch move on their part. Forgive me for being so blunt but I refuse stupidity in my life. I know stupid people and I might hang out with them but I never let their stupidity intervene in my life and cause havoc. If that happens, out the door you go. I have no time for that and I have no time to waste brain cells solving drama that someone else started. Its pointless and not me. If you want things to be fixed, do them yourself because I hate always being the puzzle master in conflicts. If that's your way of life, I want nothing to do with it. Its childish and immature and people really need to grow up. We're adults now and life isn't going to be revolved around "he said she said" bullshit. Learn to out grow your childhood and welcome yourself into the real world. You're in for a real eye opener and it isn't going to come in the prettiest of gifts.

Another thing I've realized this year, as we're on the topic of "relationships" is that, no matter how much someone tells me they like me, I can't like them back. I'm not sure, but I think I discussed this in some other posts as well. I can't put my finger on this problem either. Every time I try to fall for someone, I can't. Its like a mental blockage within my brain. I think it might have to deal with the fact I've been hurt so many times by other people that my brain has sort of put a self-defense mechanism to keep me from liking anyone else. Its sort of annoying and gratifying in the same way. Its annoying in the sense that I feel bad for the other people when I want to like them so much in the same way as they like me, yet I'm grateful because my subconscious is learning from its mistakes and is trying to keep me from getting hurt again. Minimal people have this advantage in their minds, but I'm not sure I like mine yet. I'm scared that when the right person comes along I won't be able to like them back and it will ruin my chances at being the happiest I've ever been in, well, forever! And not to sound self-centered but I think I deserve it. I've been threw so much you have no idea. Roller coasters of emotions. Lead ons. False hopes. It was awful, and I'm ready for someone to take all of that pain away and show me that there's still hope on this god forsaken planet, that I can still love someone and be able to share myself. My thoughts, ideas and theories. My geeky hobbies and interests. Inside jokes. I want all of that, and I'm ready to have it. Its just a matter of if I will ever find someone that fits me perfectly, or at least decently. I guess time will only tell, eh?

To be honest, I've never felt more alone right now than I've ever felt in my entire life.
If you think you can make a difference, feel free to try. x