No to the offensive or yes to racism?

At college, we just had an ongoing debate about the new Islamic cultural center that is being built 3 blocks away from the World Trade Center site. A lot of people in the classroom seemed against it, but I, along with around 4 or 5 other students, including the teacher, were all for it.

If I don't write about this, it will bother me the rest of the day, so I'm just going to let it all out.

People who are against the building of the culture center are just purely racist, stereotypical, ignorant, and "un-american" (yes, I'm using that word). They are because of the following reasons.

The people against building the center are stating that just the presence of these people's culture is "offensive." Is it not racist to say that a certain people's culture is offending? I think it is. You can say you're not racist or stereotypical all day, but that doesn't make it true. There is a term called "subconsciously racist" where people believe that their views aren't racist when in reality they are racist. Anyone who says that they are against it's building, but claim their not racist or stereotypical is unaware of the underlining racism in their claims.

America is a country of millions of different cultures and races from all over the world. We should show the world that despite that we were attack by extremists, who have a SLIGHT relation to Islamic people (but are two completely different groups of people), we still do not discriminate, we still encourage diversity, and we do not have a double standard when it comes to other cultures. People who are against the building of the cultural center are "un-american," (even though I hate the ring of that term) because they are against what America is in the first place. A place of diversity. If you're against the tolerance of other races, cultures, and religions, than you are against the very foundation of what America was founded.

The cultural center is not even in the same vicinity as the WTC site. It is 3 blocks away from the site, and NYC blocks are very very large compared to other cities. So, just the fact that these people are making a big deal out of this, when it's not even significantly close to the site in the first place, also shows the underlining racism. They are so keen, so quick, to impose their prejudices on this group of people, that they jump into a such a small event as a reason to state their claims. They're using this insignificant event as justification for their prejudices.

I often use a different analogy to compare to this situation. If a town were to build a German cultural center 3 blocks away from a Jewish synagogue, of course there would be no problem with that. Why? Well, Germans are white, most people know that not all Germans are Nazis (in fact, only around 10% of German people during the Nazi regime were in fact Nazis or belonged to the Nazi party, and most of that percent were brain washed into believe in it) and it happened during World War 2.

Muslims are NOT extremists. They did not support the terrorist's attack, they are not terrorists themselves, and they ALSO lost people during the 9/11 attacks. They are victims just like any other America who was affect by the attacks. Yes, there might some people in America who do agree with the terrorist attacks, but we shouldn't stop the building of it just because of that small amount of people. Why address their hatred? You fight fire with water, not with fire, because it just fuels the flame.

A lot of these claims against the building of the center are also based on assumptions. Assuming that Muslims who are extremists will see that center as a "victory symbol" is just an assumption. And even if they do, so what? Who cares what they think? We're the ones who know the truth and what the center is really about and what it's not about. What others think makes no importance. Anyone can think anything is symbol of something when it's really not. People care too much on what those people will think, or what that group will think if we do this and so and so fourth. No one knows that the truth of what something really is will be what really matters.

Furthermore, if it were a bunch of extreme Christians or Catholics that were behind the attacks on 9/11, would there still be controversy if they wanted to build a Church in the same area? Of course not. They even wanted to put a cross on the WTC site!

Why are you blaming an entire religion for the work of a handful of radical Muslims? If you're letting your views of those radicals over take your view of an entire religion, why not do it with Christianity as well? So we'll take Christian radicals, like the congregation of the Westboro Baptist Church and make a generalization that all Christians feel the same ay as they do. Do you think all Christians hate gays? Do you think all Christians believe that all of the soldiers killed overseas deserve to have their funerals protested? I'm pretty sure you don't believe all Christians believe what the people of the Westboro Baptist Church do. So why would you believe all Muslims feel the same way as the handful of radicals that flew planes into the World Trade Centers.

My Sister's Graduation

Today was my little sister's graduation ceremony. Although I'm happy to welcome her into the "real" world now, the entire process of it left me in the worse mood...ever.

Why you say? Well, because I had to go to my old High School again. I hated High School. It wasn't as bad as Middle School, but it is still pretty high up there on my lists of things that I hate. Just being in that same atmosphere that surrounded me constantly almost a year ago made me want to explode. The familiar faces, the same all-American white families, the stereotypical cliques...everything was right there waiting for me again; staring at me with it's ugly little disgusting eyes. It was almost like the entire situation was saying "I'm back" at me with the most cunning grin ever. I hate everything about that. I hate the stereotypical High School with it's jocks, preps, druggies, punks, goths, emos, nerds, geeks, and losers. Usually you only find High Schools like that in movies or TV shows where they exaggerate everything to make it more dramatic and entertaining. But my High School WAS that type of exaggeration.

Even in my sister's senior video, all the sport oriented, popular, well-known kids had the most pictures put up. There were none of the less known kids, the smart kids, or the kids that weren't really losers, but weren't well-known either. It was just appalling to me. It brought back so many buried hatred that I had while I attended the school, but it was worse this time because they were all coming back to me at the same time. I just have so much opinion against these types of communities that develop among human beings. It doesn't just have to be at a school. It could be anywhere that involves social stratification.

Another thing that really makes my High School even worse is the small-town mind set that everyone has. The school only had around 1000 kids. Everyone's parents knew each other, either through family means or friends. Everyone went to the same all-white Catholic Church on Sunday. If something significant happened to a student at school, of course it was everyone's business because everyone knew each other. There was no privacy or room to breathe. It was either stay private with everything in your life, or open up your soul for everyone to view, pick at, and mutilate.

I think I was one of the only students who really kept their life on the down-low. Most of my friends weren't popular, or well-known. We generally kept to ourselves and usually made fun of everyone else for their cliché ways. I guess you could say, in a way, that we all thought we were much better than Marlboro Central High School. We didn't feel the need to conform and do what everyone else was doing. We didn't feeling the need to get attention for dumb-headed, narrow-minded children. We did our own thing; liked whatever we liked, said whatever we said, and did what we wanted to did. Now that I think about it, I have so much respect for myself in that aspect of my life, and so much respect for my small group of High School friends. I'm proud of us for not becoming "one of them." I'm proud of us for being different in every way possible, since that is generally a good thing in my head to be. I'm just glad we weren't sucked into the hype. We stood as individuals, and it wasn't an intentional thing to do. I think it's of utmost importance that someone is their own unique individual, especially in a toxic environment such as my old High School.

And you know why I think we were this way? Because we were smarter. We weren't nerds, or geeks, we were just aware. We didn't have our heads in the clouds, unless it involved doing something creative such as Art, Advertising, or Photography class. We liked to read, discuss stories, go to museums, and come up with out own ideas and opinions about everything. In a way, I believe, we were much more mature in a logical sense. Not so mature that we didn't know how to have fun, but mature in a healthy way; in a way that was perfect for our age group. I think our maturity and intelligence helped see our way out of the mist that was the stereotypical High School hype. We were able to see beyond all of that poisonous infection and survive it with who we truly are, and not what our school life tried to make us be.

Now I know you might be thinking that I'm just saying all this because I was some type of loser who had no friends and blah blah blah. I really wasn't. In the beginning of my High School career, I WAS in a dark stage of my life...literally. I wore dark clothing, and listened to a lot of Heavy Metal music. But, that ship quickly sailed, and I changed my entire outlook on life drastically. I started dressing in a lot more fashionable clothing. I spent $300 on sunglasses, $80 on skinny jeans, and $50 on shirts. I went into Manhattan to go shopping a lot because I would only wear high-fashion labels; Dior, Diesel, Topman, Gucci, Dolce and Gabbana - you name it! I still do, actually, so I was, in no way, a "loner." I was just an individual. And if you think that just because someone doesn't buy into the hype of what everyone else is doing, or because they're different, then shame on you. You won't get anywhere in life with such a narrow and ignorant view point.

Now that I'm done with my little rant, I just want to talk about this overwhelming feeling I got after the graduation. I just had a really strong feeling to get on the next plane leaving the country, and just fly and keep flying so that I was as far away from this place as I can get on Earth. I felt that old feeling I used to get whilst being in High School, and that was severe isolation. It felt almost as if I was trapped in High School while I was there, and those same old feelings were starting to uproot once again. The feeling is so powerful that I feel like taking off in my car right now. It's almost as if I HAVE to get far away in order to cleanse myself of this disgusting feeling of isolation. It was as if I needed to cleanse myself of this High School slobber.

But I shouldn't worry too much about getting away because, well, it's going to happen in my life anyways. I am going to travel the world. I am going to live in Europe. I am going to get a good education. I am going be happy. I don't think there's a thing in the world that can stop me. I'll leave this place and all it's evil behind me. There's such a big, vast, beautiful world out there for me to see. I'll get out and make the most out of my life. I feel like that's why I was born. I was born to get out, live, see the world, experience, teach, love, and experience all that Earth has to offer. This temporary stench of High School will leave my presence soon, and then I can go on to living in the real world. I'm never going back to that place, and I couldn't be more grateful not to.

The real world is so much better than grade-school, despite what most adults will say. I'm a prime example of that.

Changes, Changes, Changes..

Wow! So much has happened since the last time I've written on here. I guess I'll just come out and say what's going on. No need to beat around the bush (;

Something I'm beginning to realize is that my life is completely and wholeheartedly unpredictable. I would never think that I'd be doing and upholding the current decisions I'm making in my life a couple of months ago. Now that I think about it, it's been this way throughout my entire life. I try to look back, months ago, and remember what I thought about doing and how I thought things we're going to turn out in the present. TOTAL unpredictability! I guess it's just a part of what life is all about. It's unpredictable and completely unexplainable. You can never plan out your life down to each specific event, circumstance or decision. I know that now more than ever. It kind of makes me nervous, though. I really do plan on moving to Europe in the near future, so since I've been planning this for well over a couple of years now, I wonder if it really is ever going to happen? :| I'll hope for the best, but like I've been saying before, life = unpredictable. I could be thinking about moving to England right now and then all of a sudden, next month I could have immigrated to Japan for all I know!

You must be thinking "how does this tie into anything?" But I assure you, it has A LOT to do with what I'm going to be talking about throughout this blog post!

I guess I'll start with what has been going on recently. I FINALLY switched colleges! Instead of going to college, in the woods, an hour away, I'm going to be going to a more local college. It's going to save me so much time, money, and gas! Plus, the campus is a lot better than the college I've previously have been attending, and I have a hell of a lot more friends going to this college. Today I went there to go take my sister to take her placement test, and I conversed with more people in a single day than I've conversed with people for an entire semester at my old college! It's really THAT big of a difference! I think it has a lot to do with the location of the college as well as the type of people who attend it. It's in an urban area, whilst my older college was, literally, in the middle of the words; at least a half-hour away from any type of metropolitan area. But I don't want to diddy-daddle on and on about college. I just have a bright future outlook at the coming year of attending there. I don't want to get my hopes TOO high, but I can't help to be optimistic. I'm usually such a pessimistic person, I need to be more positive and optimistic once in a while. It's a lot more healthy to think positively than negatively anyways.

Thinking positively seems to be a new kind of trait that I've established within myself these past months. I don't know how I've done it, but I've seem to be able, now, to control exactly the way I feel about practically anything. Things that used to upset me before, get brushed out of my head with a simple shake. Feelings are easily suppressed and left in the dark, buried, unable to come out into the light ever again. It's almost like I've created some type of oppression phenomenon inside my head. Logic has become some type of dictator; telling me what I'm allowed to feel, and what I'm not allowed to feel. Actually, a more accurate way to put it would be that logic is telling my emotions when they're allowed to show their faces, and when they're not. I haven't had any of my weird mood swings in a very long time, even if I've been inside the house all day (which usually is the cause of my weird mood behaviors). I haven't been randomly depressed for no reason. A lot of people might be reading this and think that what I'm feeling definitely isn't healthy. But I'm actually really happy about it. It's really helping me overcome the obstacles I was facing before when my emotions got the best of me. I'm becoming a lot less socially awkward, and I'm able to talk with a lot more people with ease. For some reason, I really enjoy the feeling of being emotionally dead on the inside. It's so peaceful to just not feel anything. I only allow myself good emotions, the bad ones stayed locked up in a chest deep in the dark ocean that is my existence. Where this new found control came from? I have no idea. I'm wondering if it's because I've been taking Fish Oil pills for quite some time now, and I read that they're good for stabilizing moods and emotions as well as being good for your overall health. When I first started taking them, everything was like it was before. But maybe since it's not built up in my system over time, I'm starting to feel more of the effects from taking them. Not that I'm complaining, but I'm just trying to figure out where this control is coming from. It seems to have sprang up out of no where. I had no significant events happen in my life for me to undergo this radical change, nor did I try to do anything to help control my emotions. It's like it simply evolved into what it is right now. I'm wondering if maybe it's a bi-product of me just getting older and maturing. Ah well, who knows. Maybe just talking about where it's coming from might jinx me and this new found euphoria will disappear. :S

Love life department is still the same as it's always been; an empty dark room in a busy office building. Not that I care about it any more, really, but now it's just starting to irritate me rather than make me sad or depressed. I know I'm probably going to sound like some sort of attention-seeking, spoiled, complaining little girl by saying this, but I honestly feel as if I'm literally not allowed to be happy. It's as almost the world and the universe deliberately try to make things not work out the way I want them to work out when it comes to having romantic relationships with other people. I'm not feeling sorry for myself in anyway, it's just how I wholeheartedly feel about the situation. It also seems a bit arrogant to think that the world is out to get silly ol' little me, but I just can't help feeling so strongly about something like this. Maybe it's not the Universe or even the world that's out to get me, but it's like my own fate wills itself to make outcomes that go against the pathways of my life that will truly make me happy. I've been in situations where everything is going about perfectly for months and months, but then suddenly, when things are starting to get a little more serious (I mean like, besides flirting via text and internet) things completely change and everything that I've worked on gets flushed down the toilet. Things in my life are apparently not allowed to go in directions that make me the happiest. Why? I haven't the slightest idea.

Regardless of that random little rant, I honestly can care less about things like that in my life right now. Everything else seems a lot more exciting to me than being close with someone else. My new found dead heart is doing me some good for a change. Keeping my mind at peace, and my pants at bay (;

I'm caring a lot more about schooling at the moment. Each day brings me closer to seeing a clearer path to my future. It gives me ease knowing that I'm coming closer to where I'm going in life. I'm really looking forward to seeing Boston this summer and visiting some of the colleges there! I really don't want to end up in the City, honestly. I feel like I've I go there, somehow it's a symbolic representation of me never being able to get out and leave New York. So...I really don't want to do that! New York is such a bad state to live in as well. If I have the opportunity to get out and do what I want, I'm going to take every option that's handed to me.

I think that's all for the current updates so far. I'll try to write a lot more, especially when significant things happen in my life. Such important dates MUST be kept on record!

Until then, peace, love, & vodka.<3

Everything is beyond complicated

I haven't been writing on this blog in just so long, and I'm upset with myself for not doing so. It helps me so much to get the things that have been bothering me out of my head and onto something where I can read it and make better understanding of it.

So much has happened in my life that I have no idea where to start. From college, to relationships, to my future-everything is all over the place. I guess we'll just start with what is on my mind at the moment, shall we?

I'm stressing about where I'm going to study after college here in the states. I really want to study in Europe, England to be exact, but the process of doing so is so stressful. I'm going to apply to the University of Sheffield, University of Leeds, and University College of London. That way, if I don't get accepted to one, I'll be able to have a chance of getting accepted to another. I put the course of either "Linguistics" "Linguistics and Philosophy" or "Linguistics and Phonetics." I really hope I do get accepted to one these Universities because then I'll have to earn my undergraduate in the U.S; something I really DON'T want to do. But if it comes down to that horrible ordeal, I guess I could always have the option of getting my PhD somewhere outside the US. I really hope everything goes as planned, even though I know sometimes life almost never turns out the way you plan it out to be. Speaking of things not turning out the way you want them to be...

I've found myself torn within my own mind when it comes to, and I cringed upon pronouncing the word out loud, relationships. It's come to the point where one side of me longs for wanting someone to cuddle with at night while watching a movie, going out to the movies, having lunch with each other randomly during the week, and just being happy with someone. The other part of myself, the most realistic and logical part, is yelling at me. It constantly tells me that there's no such thing as love, that there's no point in having a relationship because it all just ends in shit anyways. That I don't need anyone because I'm better than that. That I'm going to end up alone anyways because no one could ever possibly like or even love someone like me. And I'm not just saying that because I'm trying to make people feel sorry for me or any other crap like that. I truly feel it in my soul that no one could ever find an interest in me because, basically, I'm not interesting. I like language, and I spend my free time learning grammar and other "boring" things of that nature that humans have ignorantly labeled as. If someone is interested in me, they only want to get into my pants. What's even more disturbing is that I feel like I have to do sexual things with them in order for them to notice me or even just like me. It's kind of sad in a way. I know it's not a good thing to feel this way. But what can I do? It does work, and I do get that slight bit of closeness with someone that I crave. Not TOO MUCH harm done, right..?

It seems that these both sides of my head are constantly playing tug-o-war with my actions and responses to the outside world. Which side do I choose? Does it really even matter? Does anything matter anymore? What's more important in life? Being happy with someone else? Or being happy by yourself?

It doesn't help either that I've been meeting people left and right who try and flatter me with compliments. It confuses me so much. What do these people want with me? Surely I'm just another "piece of ass." Right? But, others have expressed sincerity in the way they talk to me. They seem to want to really get to know me. The only problem is the whole process of getting to know someone. That's another thing that I'm just tired of going through. First you meet them online, then you exchange numbers for texting, then you call each other and talk once and a while, and then you finally meet in person. It's just tiring, boring, and I'm through with it. It almost seems to not be worth it anymore. I'm gone through this whole ordeal way too many times to just hit a dead end 9 out of 10 times. Everything is beginning to bore me. People are beginning to bore me.

So in a way, the part of me that says "the hell with relationships" is winning the epic fight. It shouts and argues and pushes it's opinions onto my existence. The other side is weaker-more prone to infection. It's sensitive and longing. Lonely and curious. Hopeful and faithful. Depressed and forgotten. Suppressed and oppressed. It's the part of me that I bury deep within my existence for the sake of my own sanity. Because if I let this side run free, I'd be a wreck. I'd be constantly depressed, unhappy, crying all the time, a push over, a longer, and a person who's easily overlooked. It makes me weak and more vulnerable. Even when I suppress this part of my consciousness (at least that part that I can control), I still have symptoms of it in my "strong" persona. It bubbles up every now and then, and I have to bury it back down deep within me again. I know that this isn't a healthy thing to be doing, but it's the only way I can get on with my life acting somewhat "normal" and not a crazy overemotional teenager. It's how I've come this far in life without breaking down, ending up in a mental hospital, or becoming victim to someone's mind games.

Everything is beyond complicated. I just hope everything works out in the end and that I'm at least sane when all the hecticness is over.

I really don't know anymore

Bodies disengage, our mouths are fleshing over.

Is this an echo game?
Irises retreating to ovals of white.

The urge to feel your face, and blood rushing to paint my handprint.

A Frisbee one by one;

Your vinyl on lamanent

Desperate for some kind of contact



I'm loosing the connection between me and my inner self. I don't know what's going on anymore. Who have I become? What am I doing? What has gotten into me?




I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore. I've been doing things that I never dreamed I would be doing a year ago or even a couple months ago. My life has completely shifted from what it was before. I only had my books, thoughts, and ideas for friends. I only went out when it was urgent. I only kissed people I knew for a long time. Everything is changing. I don't know if it's for the worse or the best. I'm not so sure that I want to become someone like this though. It doesn't feel like me at all. I feel pressured into doing these things, and I feel as though it's sucking the life out of me in a way. I can't sleep. I can't feel. I just am. I looked in the mirror today and saw the life leave my eyes for the very first time. It's almost like these experiences are hollowing me out. There is a very distinct empty feeling, almost a feeling of being a low person. My head hurts from thinking, my emotions are being caged my inner being so I don't go crazy. Even now, while sitting in this library, I feel like a lifeless sack of nothing. My eyes are droopy, my head is stuffy, my vision is foggy, and it's not because I'm getting ill either.

I guess life is all about finding yourself and this is just one of the steps I'm going to have to take on the path. It's such a confusing time and a very blank time. It's almost like I can choose who I want to be now and it will forever determine who I am to be as a person. The things I find myself doing at this time do not feel like me in a sense, yet they do. Maybe it's just a small part of myself that is coming out? Just a small part that hasn't had it's moment to shine and be acted upon? It's a possibility, but I'll never be able to know for sure. I just wish the feeling of myself would come back already. It's in the past now and not happening at this very moment, yet I still feel dead inside. I feel so pressured to be this new person because it's generally the stereotype. It's not me at all, but it's almost as if I don't adhere to it then I will forever be left alone. Untouched and barren. It's as if conformity is the only way I'll be able to be with someone, because face it; no one out there is my definition of perfect. I'll probably never meet them. I'll probably never have a monogamous relationship with someone. It's just inevitable for my future. I can feel it already and it hasn't even happen yet. I just wish there was someone there, just a friend, who can lift the spirit in me back up again. I hate feeling this way. I feel like a cum rag.

I'm just hoping things will get semi-back to normal soon. I'm happy that I'm going to Boston next week. It will be an amazing feeling to get out of this area for a day or two. I just need to get out. I wish there was someone I could talk to that will just listen to me and try not to make everything about the or about something else. I really think I should see a psychologist :l

I just don't want to deal

Lately, I've been feeling so tired just dealing with other people. It doesn't even have to be bad things either. It could just be making plans, figuring out where to eat, talking about things, driving places, spending money, etc. Everything is starting to just become so tiring and overwhelming that I don't want deal with any of it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and I love hanging out with them, but the process of doing so is beginning to become too boring and generic. I'm not even sure I'm making sense with what I'm saying about all this. It's almost as if I'm tired of having a social life in a way. I never used to have such a stimulating social life up until the beginning of this year. Maybe the sudden rush of everything is making me feel overwhelmed? I'm not exactly sure. I'm never exactly sure when it comes to my emotions.

I really just want to fly somewhere far far away right now. I really wish we took that trip to the caribbean this winter. I really feel like I need to get away from my life here as soon as possible. I need to cleanse myself somehow of all the impurities that humans have injected me with. I wish there was some way, some how, that I could just sit inside an isolated house somewhere in the north. I'd be away from people and away from the world and away from the black and white life I live here. I could just sit up there and read books by philosophers, artists, aristocrats, and novels written by authors in a time where people use their brains. I would also need some books and pens and paper so I can write about anything that's on my mind. I wouldn't be bored because I'd have books to entire me, and I could always go outside and try to become familiar with nature again. I just want to purify myself from humanity, and I want to work on the relationship I've had with myself for the last 18 years. I need to love myself more and try very hard to keep my mind in a sane stage. I need to keep my emotions and thoughts in check without the influence of humanity messing up what I've built. I can't let everything that's going on around me effect my mind. I'm way too sensitive of a person to run out into the world without a bullet proof vest. It's like throwing a gazelle into a cage with a pack of lions.


Since my fantasy is practically impossible, I guess I might just have to isolate myself at home for a couple days. Just to calm my nerves and what not. I cannot believe something as minuet as just having a more sociable life can render me from feeling such an odd way. Sometimes I feel so small to be effect in such a big way by something that's not that big of a deal in a first place; such small things can effect me in ways that they don't effect other people. It's like I'm hypersensitive to practically everything. I hate it so much, yet I feel like without it I wouldn't be who I am. It's a very difficult feeling to explain to someone "normal" who doesn't have the emotional complexities that I am cursed with. Anyone probably reading this will be like "What the hell is he talking about?" I think I might have to agree with them, too.



Another thing that has been bothering me forever actually, is that fact that I live in a prison cell. My mother is a very controlling person and doesn't let me do things even know I'm practically an adult. I want to be able to go out with my friends late at night or sleep over people's houses. I can't even do any of that because she thinks I'm out and about having sex with anything that walks. I do have many flaws, but I would say that I'm a good son and a good person. I don't do anything bad. I don't smoke, drink, or get bad grades. I'm very nice to my mother, a lot more nicer than my sister is. Why is having my own freedom such an extraordinary task? It's very frustrating, and I envy anyone who does have their own life and are able to do whatever they want when they want. It makes me very sad sometimes that I have to live out this double life and lie my way out of things just so I'll be able to go out and see friends. Is that too much to ask for? I just want my own life. I feel so bad when my friends ask me to come out with them, and I have to explain my situation about not being able to go. It makes me feel like they're irritated by it in some sense. It also makes me feel like a 12 year old. I constantly have to tip toe around my family life in order to have a social life. How I made it this far without going insane? I have no idea. To have an apartment all by myself leaving alone is all I want in life. I want A LIFE.

I really don't think I'm going to be able to have a life unless I get the fuck out of my house. I need to get a job and save money for a down payment on an apartment in Boston where I plan to go for University. This way, I will not be dependent upon my mother for things, and I can fully be my own person. The only problem is that NO ONE IS HIRING. How can I save money when there is no place to get a job? My life is a fucking prison cell.

Give me strength